Happy Merlin Holidays, rotrude! [2/2]

[merlin-hols.livejournal.com]

Five minutes later, the bottle had rolled to a stop somewhere under Arthur's coffee table. Arthur was mostly naked in his bed with Merlin beneath him, relieved to be kissing him once more.

Arthur had played along with Merlin's fun, but now he intended to have what he wanted. What he wanted was to hear and feel Merlin helpless with pleasure, and he set himself to the task with a will.

He kissed over Merlin's face slowly as his hands resumed their acquaintance with Merlin's body. Merlin sighed, an excellent start to bliss, and tried to return the favor. Twice Arthur had to pin his hands and kiss him into submission before Merlin relaxed and let Arthur have his way.

The soft hair on Merlin's chest tickled Arthur's nose and prickled his lips. He loved the way Merlin's nipple tightened under his tongue, but loved even more feeling Merlin's quick, deep breath under his hands. It drove him down to see if he could feel the same sort of reaction in the quivering muscles of Merlin's flat stomach.

He could, and he followed each tremor with his mouth until Merlin's erection tented out his briefs enough to nudge Arthur's chin.

It seemed a polite enough request for his attention, so he gave it willingly. He smoothed his hand over the front of Merlin's briefs, flattening his cock against his belly. The top elastic caught on the foreskin so that the head peeked out, pink and darkening with every caress. "Oh, hello, there."

Merlin grinned down at him. "I think it likes you as much as I do."

"I'll have to make sure we become great friends."

Arthur had plans for that pretty little head, but first he intended to get to know the rest of Merlin's body. He slid down, propping himself on his elbow, and bent to mouth Merlin's balls through the thin black cotton.

The barrier made it harder to roll them in his mouth the way he wanted; once the fabric was wetted through, the friction was nicer. When a quiver went through Merlin's thighs, Arthur knew he'd gotten to the proper sensation.

He moved up to the base of Merlin's cock. This time he used his hand to rub the damp cotton up and down over Merlin's length.

Merlin sighed again and pushed up against Arthur's hand. "That feels good."

"Oh? Good enough, then?" he asked and brushed his fingers lightly over the ridge of Merlin's cock, outlined in wrinkled wet cotton.

"Not that good," Merlin said quickly and lifted his hips. "Let's lose the pants and then we'll see."

Arthur obliged and pulled Merlin's underwear down over the luscious curve of his bottom, exposing his thick erection. Merlin lifted his legs, contorting himself so Arthur could pull the briefs free from one leg, then the other. Merlin's second foot almost hit Arthur in the face; Arthur captured it in both hands and kissed the arch of it.

Merlin moaned and let his thighs splay wide when Arthur let go of his leg. "Suck me?"

"Later, I promise," Arthur answered, though he couldn't resist bending and sucking the red tip of Merlin's cock for just a moment. "But right now I'm still in the mood to kiss you."

So he did, and Merlin pushed himself up on his elbows to get better leverage into Arthur's mouth. Arthur stroked Merlin's cock with a light touch, just enough to tease him with intent.

Merlin broke away and sat up. "Right, okay. Time to see what you've got around here."

At first Arthur thought he wanted to see Arthur's cock, which bulged warm and thick in Arthur's own briefs. But Merlin twisted himself to reach the bedside table and dig through the drawer there.

A forgotten novel and the remote control for Arthur's stereo went flying; then Merlin came up with the bottle of Arthur's favorite lube and a couple of foil packets. "Only two condoms? Really? I thought you had more confidence than that."

"What can I say? It was a busy week around here." Arthur smirked and got to his knees to pull his underwear down. "Haven't had a chance to restock from the demand."

The truth was that he had snagged them from the bowl in the Avalon Women's Clinic in a fit of optimism right before he had gone to ask Merlin out. Arthur saw no need to mention that now. He could see the retort in Merlin's eyes, and with great satisfaction, he watched it fade away as Merlin saw Arthur's cock freed from its confinement. A little whimper escaped Merlin's throat, which would have done wonders for Arthur's confidence, if he'd needed it.

Merlin tossed the condoms back onto the night table and scooted back toward the middle of the bed. "How do you want to do this?"

"I have a couple ideas." Arthur finished discarding his briefs and pressed Merlin back down into the pillows.

They kissed slow and wet as their erections slid against each other's skin for the first time. Then Arthur shifted off him, adjusting his position until he could comfortably pull Merlin into his arms with easy access to his mouth and his body.

When Arthur's fingers brushed over Merlin's cock again, Merlin seemed to remember that he was still clutching the lube. He held it up with an anticipatory grin. "I think this is the biggest bottle of lube I've ever seen. I know I've called you a wanker, but honestly, Arthur, how often do you do it?"

"I like lube." Arthur kissed Merlin's cheek and pressed his mouth to his ear. "Let's use all of it."

Merlin outright shuddered in his arms at that, exactly how Arthur wanted to feel him. He pulled Merlin closer and kissed him until Merlin squirmed with the need for stimulation.

He drizzled cool lube over Merlin's hot skin, earning himself another sweet shiver. Then he kissed Merlin again as he began fisting the lube over Merlin's cock.

Merlin moaned into his mouth. His cock had gone rigid in Arthur's hand, ready to finish in no time with some determined attention. But Arthur only added more lube and began a slow, wet stroke. His other hand gripped Merlin's hip, steadying Merlin against him.

He squeezed and worked the shaft, keeping his hand low except for the occasional rub over the sensitive head. Merlin's mouth went slack with the distraction; Arthur had to tease his lips back into motion with gentle nips. He'd waited so long to kiss Merlin that it might take all night to get his fill.

Merlin fumbled for the abandoned lube bottle. Arthur obediently held up his hand for another heavy squirt, and then reached down to spread it over Merlin's balls. He massaged them, rolling them in his hand until Merlin forced him to let go by spreading his legs wider and wider. "Come on, Arthur. Give me more."

Arthur rubbed absently at Merlin's nipples, because it was all he could handle once Merlin started kissing him again, fiercer and needier than before. There was no question that he would give Merlin what he wanted. It was such a glorious intimacy just to know what Merlin wanted and to have Merlin splayed in his arms, trusting him to give it.

And also pretty impatient for it, judging by the way Merlin was hiking up his leg. Arthur caught the soft place behind his knee to draw Merlin's leg up, exposing the cleft of his arse and the soft indentation leading into his body.

"Looks so dry and hot down there," Arthur murmured into Merlin's ear. "You want something for that?"

"You've two hands." Merlin adjusted his position to make it both more accessible and more obvious. "I'm hoping you know how to use them."

"You surgeons, always thinking no one else knows how use their hands." Arthur fisted Merlin's cock again, testing the new position and finding it wonderfully comfortable. "I should be offended you still think that's even a question."

Merlin said nothing, unable to argue with the swollen evidence in Arthur's hand. He fumbled the lube bottle into Arthur's free hand and then hooked his fingers behind his knee to spread himself as open as possible.

Arthur snapped the bottle open with his thumb and hesitated. Normally he'd pour the lube into his hand and then rub it into his partner's arse, but he didn't feel like letting go of Merlin's cock long enough to hold the lube bottle.

So he upended it and let the rest of the bottle gush out between Merlin's legs. Merlin gasped and arched his back a little. "Oh, cold."

"Bad cold?"

"Oh, no. Very much not bad. Just please, touch me."

"Hold on. There's still some in here, I think." Arthur shook the bottle until he could squeeze out a last drizzle over Merlin's cock and balls. "I did promise we'd use it all."

The extra lubricant made a gorgeous sex sound as Arthur's hand massaged Merlin's balls, then slid up his cock again. Arthur made a contented sound and kissed the corner of Merlin's mouth. Merlin closed his eyes, his limbs giving little twitches of impatience.

It took a minute to coordinate his hands, despite his bravado. He had to still his hand on Merlin's cock while he started rubbing gently into his arse.

When his arse was thoroughly slicked and Merlin was breathing sharp little sighs of happiness, Arthur resumed working Merlin's cock. He kept his strokes slow at first while he played with Merlin's arse: stroking the cleft, thumbing at the hole, rubbing around it and then up to palm his balls again.

The warmth and softness of Merlin's arse contrasted with the stiff swell of his cock. It seemed to invite Arthur to slip inside it. When he pushed two fingers in, it gripped him in sweet, tight welcome.

"God, you feel good," he blurted. "So tight--been a while, has it?"

Merlin turned his head to give him a shaky smile. "There's no one else since I laid eyes on you."

Arthur's stroking stuttered to a stop, and he had to duck his head close to Merlin's just to breathe with him for a moment. He had no words to acknowledge his part of what was growing between them, just his hands buried between Merlin's legs and the pleasure he wanted to bring him. His own cock throbbed softly against Merlin's thigh, just happy to be there.

So he worked his fingers in deeper, rubbing but not quite fucking Merlin yet. He massaged as he sank in further, probing until Merlin's cock jumped in his grip and Merlin grunted his approval. Ah, there it was. His new doctor boyfriend would surely mock him if Arthur couldn't find his prostate.

He tightened his hand and made sure every stroke engulfed the sensitive cockhead. His fingers jerked roughly into Merlin's arse, came out to circle the grasping hole before fucking into him again. He rubbed every bit of slippery flesh he could touch, inside, outside, all focused on driving up Merlin's pleasure.

Merlin's breath hitched. His cock was so, so hard. He was poised on that beautiful edge, too far gone to return Arthur's kisses.

Arthur buried his face in Merlin's shoulder and closed his eyes to better taste the sweat on Merlin's skin and savor the reactions in his body. He concentrated on working Merlin harder, until he wasn't sure even an entire bottle of lube had been enough.

But then he felt something tense in Merlin's belly. Arthur pulled back his fingers to rub around the outside of Merlin's entrance. Then he cupped Merlin's tightening balls, warm and encouraging.

Merlin responded by groaning--and coming. Thick spurts of jizz pumped out over Arthur's hand. "Oh God, good, good, so good," Merlin breathed, eyes screwed shut as though in pain.

Arthur gentled his strokes until Merlin flopped out of his arms and onto his back, starfished across the available portion of the bed. "Fuck, I'm exhausted."

"That's what happens to greedy people who cram three dates into one night." Arthur looked smugly down at Merlin's body, shiny with lube and sweat and flushed with sex. The dull throb of his cock was fast becoming a maddening keen of desire.

He rolled over Merlin, pressing his erection into the damp crease of Merlin's thigh. Arthur stroked Merlin's sweaty hair back from his forehead and waited until Merlin opened his eyes.

Holding Merlin's gaze, he slowly reached over to the bedside table and snagged one of the two condoms Merlin had left on the table top. Merlin smiled, tired, blissed out, and lifted his legs up for Arthur.

Arthur got to his knees and grabbed Merlin's calves, easing them onto his shoulders to take the strain off Merlin. He fumbled with the condom; his fingers were too slippery with lube to rip open the packet.

Merlin took it from him with a snicker, but his face stilled as he opened it and rolled the condom onto Arthur's cock. "I'm all fucked out, but I still can't wait for you to fuck me."

"There's no more lube," Arthur forced himself to say as he tried not to think about Merlin's fingers petting his cock even after the condom was in place.

Merlin snickered again and squeezed his buttocks together until they squelched. "Yeah, I think we're all right. C'mere, you."

And when Arthur positioned his cock and pressed forward, his entry was easy. The only resistance was Merlin's natural tightness giving way around his cock as he pushed into Merlin's body.

He started thrusting in earnest immediately. His arousal was catching up with him fast; his cock wasn't waiting anymore to get its share.

Merlin lay back with a lazy grin, enjoying his fucking. Arthur stared down at him as they fucked, aware that he was gaping like an idiot. But he couldn't focus on anything beyond how good it felt inside Merlin.

Until Merlin hitched his hips up higher, changing the angle. Arthur pitched forward and almost caught his balance until Merlin's hand closed around the back of his neck.

Merlin pulled him the rest of the way down to his mouth. Arthur had no protest, even if he could have made one around Merlin's tongue. He gave in and sank into Merlin's kisses.

His cock was still buried in Merlin nearly to the root; he had no leverage to pull back. So he rocked into him deep, letting the pleasure build with the slow undulation of his hips.

His orgasm caught him and dropped him over the edge without warning. The pleasure was sudden and sharp. He gasped with each throb into Merlin's mouth until it faded and left him shaky and sloppy.

"Good with your hands and your cock," Merlin chirped, annoyingly energetic as he pushed at Arthur's shoulders with his hands and one foot. "If I ever get that blowjob you promised, we'll see if you're a triple threat."

Arthur pulled out of him and sat back on his heels, staring dumbly down at his deflating cock in its wrinkled sheath. "Seriously? All that, and you're still pining for a blowjob?"

"What man isn't?" Merlin asked, which was a fair point.

Arthur got the condom off and lobbed it at the bedside bin. He was fairly certain it went in, but he was suddenly too tired to be bothered checking.

He did check on Merlin's cock, which lay half filled against his belly, still red and plump, if not hard. "Do you need more?" Arthur asked, stroking it gently with his thumb.

Merlin smiled at him with an affection that made Arthur want to start all over again. "Nah, I'm all right. I feel really good."

Arthur grinned in triumph, bent down to kiss Merlin again, and promptly fell asleep on his chest.

---

Arthur woke to the feeling of fingers in his hair--long, slender fingers that combed through every strand until it pricked from standing straight up. He yawned against Merlin's bicep and mumbled something he hoped could be mistaken for an appropriate morning-after greeting.

"Happy Christmas Eve," Merlin murmured with a kiss to the top of his head. "I like starting Christmas doing something nice. It's good luck for the next year."

"That's New Year's, you imbecile," Arthur muttered and pushed himself up enough to share the pillow with Merlin. "And nobody says happy Christmas Eve."

"Christmas is Christmas." Merlin turned onto his side so he could keep sculpting Arthur's bed head. "You're going to your father's tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. And you're going to your parents' tonight?"

Arthur barely saw Merlin's nod. The mention of their parents reminded him of the strange moment in his father's office with the file. "Something odd happened yesterday."

Merlin settled his head onto Arthur's shoulder and plucked lightly at his fingers, a clear hint that he expected reciprocal petting. "You mean you actually being as good in bed as you think you are? Yes, rather. Ow!"

He smoothed over the hair he'd pulled, conciliatory despite it being quite deserved. "No. It was after you left, when I went upstairs," he said and recounted the rest of it. "I know it doesn't sound like anything that important, but I can't shake the feeling that I should look at that file."

"Is your father working today?"

"Not likely."

"Then we'll go look." Merlin propped himself up on his elbow. "But first, I think someone still owes me a Christmas present, doesn't he?"

"The greed never ends with you, does it?" Arthur growled and flipped Merlin under him.

Then he made love to him until he'd filled his last condom with the proof of it, after which he dragged Merlin into the shower and sucked him until his jaw ached and the water ran cold.

---

"I'm off! Happy Christmas, Gwaine."

"Hey, wait a minute! Elena!" Gwaine ran after her and caught at the sleeve of her coat. "You can't leave me."

"I surely can." She gave him a cruelly bright look and put her hand on the door handle that led to sweet freedom. "The pub waits for no one."

"You don't think I want to go to the pub, too, Elena?" Gwaine asked. "Of course I want to go to the pub. It's Christmas."

She patted him on the shoulder with a moue of sympathy, but pushed the door open anyway. It closed behind her with anticlimactic snick.

"She left me," he told it with a sigh. "Now it's just me and the inmates."

---

"Are you sure he's not here?" Merlin whispered as they got off the lift, although the corporate offices of Albion Healthcare were largely deserted on weekends, and today even more so.

"Certain. He's worked from seven-thirty to five for as long as I've been alive." Nonetheless, Arthur found himself pressing against the wall around the corner from Uther's office as though on a spy mission. "He always wanted to be home for dinner and to make sure I did my homework."

"That's lovely." There was nothing wrong in Merlin's tone, but Arthur winced internally. He hadn't meant to remind Merlin of all the dinners and homework Balinor had missed in Merlin's life, though at least Merlin still had a wonderful mother.

"Come on," he said and tried to walk normally toward the CEO suite as though he had a legitimate reason to be there. "Stop skulking behind me. You look shady."

"I'm not skulking," Merlin protested as he skulked. "Does he not lock his door?"

"He does. I have a key, in case he wants me to bring him something. I work later than he does now." Mostly so he could arrange to run into Merlin at the end of his day, somewhere between Albion and Camelot.

He unlocked the office door, ignoring the gilded plate that said Uther Pendragon, President and CEO, glinting at him like he was doing Judas one better. "See," he taunted to distract himself from his discomfort. "Your cowering was for naught."

Merlin followed him around the desk and watched as Arthur reached to pull open the bottom drawer. The drawer moved--and then stopped with an unhappy thunk. Arthur's fingers skittered off, his nails scraping the wood. "Ouch."

"Hm. Locked, is it?" Merlin folded his arms and raised his eyebrows. "You've a key for this, too, I'm assuming?"

"No." He felt foolish. Of course the drawer was locked. He'd watched his father unlock it that very morning. "But I think he keeps the key in the top drawer."

Merlin reached for the top drawer. "Which...is also locked."

Arthur scrubbed his hand through his hair. "I guess I'd make a terrible secret agent, wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. I could see you in a tuxedo." Merlin grinned, but then frowned and pointed toward the door in alarm. "Oh, fuck, look at that!"

His head jerked toward the door, heart pounding, convinced he would see his father looming in the doorway, demanding an accounting of his actions. But the doorway was still empty, not so much as a fly disturbing the weekend hush.

"What?" he demanded.

"Oh, my mistake. Is this the key?"

When he looked back, the top drawer was open and Merlin held up a key, innocent as a babe. Arthur looked between the drawer and Merlin several times, then decided he didn't need to know. "Yes. That looks like it."

Merlin beamed and bent over the bottom drawer. It came open like a charm this time, and they peered down into it together.

Only two files rested inside, one substantially bigger than the other. Merlin reached for them, and Arthur let him. Regret was already pooling in his stomach. This wasn't his concern. If it weren't for Merlin--

But there was Merlin. And Arthur would do more than poke into a private file if it meant helping Merlin.

"One's labeled with your mother's name," Merlin said as he held up the files. "The other with yours."

He wasn't sure whether it was a comfort that his mother's was the larger of the two. Arthur pointed to it. "That was the one. He put the documents about your father's case in there, and I can fathom the reason even less now."

Merlin put back Arthur's file with a gentle touch before spreading Ygraine Pendragon's file out over Uther's desk. "Yeah, I see them, I think. The ones dated yesterday, right? Shit, there's a whole section here on my father. Papers from the army, newspaper clippings--hell, my birth certificate. Arthur, your dad is quite the creeper. Why is he tracking my family?"

"I don't know." Arthur took a step back. He shouldn't be letting Merlin into those papers, but he dreaded looking at them himself. He had never thought himself a coward before.

Merlin was silent for a long time after that. He flipped through the papers one at a time, scanning. From an angle, Arthur could see the frown on his face grow deeper.

"Arthur," Merlin said finally. "How much do you know about how your mother died?"

The words hit his stomach like a block of ice. "There were...complications after she gave birth to me," he recited as he had all his life. "They tried to save her life, but she died on the operating table."

Merlin nodded slowly. "My father was one of the surgeons. He couldn't have been any older than me."

Arthur hadn't known that, but somehow, he was not surprised. "You think my father blames him? But then why would he hire him here?"

"I don't know." Merlin separated out several stacks of papers. "But look, he's essentially got dossiers on the entire surgical team that tried to save your mum. Dr. Gaius retired years ago. I don't know these others, but none of them work here."

"I should talk to my father," Arthur said. It was the last thing he wanted to do; he had no great desire to uncover any more about this, but he owed it to Merlin.

But Merlin was shaking his head and reaching for the telephone on Uther's desk. "No. We should talk to mine."

That sounded like an even worse idea, but Merlin already had it on speaker phone and was punching in a number. He gathered up the contents of the file while it rang.

"Hello?" It was Balinor's voice, sounding wary.

"Dad, where are you?"

"Merlin? Why on earth are you ringing me from Uther Pendragon's number? Oh God, what trouble have you gotten into now?"

"I'm in his office, and I could ask you the same question."

"In his office? Merlin--"

"It's all right, I'm with Arthur," Merlin said, making Arthur wince again. "We're in Uther's office. Dad, he has a whole file on Arthur's mum, and you're all over it."

A pause, then a great sigh came across the phone line. "Put the file back, Merlin, then come here. I'm in the surgery at Camelot. Bring Arthur. He deserves to hear this, too."

The phone clicked off.

---

Merlin was aware that he had kept hold of Arthur's hand even after he had successfully towed him back to the lift. But as they watched the numbers decrease with their descent, Arthur did not make a move to retrieve his fingers, and Merlin decided he would keep them until Arthur did.

Holding Arthur's hand as they hurried from Albion to Camelot was tantamount to a public declaration; even on Christmas Eve, they passed a number of hospital staff Merlin recognized and received more than one double take. Merlin wondered if he should have consulted Arthur about that first, but he doubted it mattered. They were in this together now.

Of all people, Gwaine did not even give them a second glance as they hurried past the nurses' station. "He's in there, and you're making your own coffee today," he said, holding up a pair of forks to the light as if to compare them.

That distracted Merlin enough to stop and look. Arthur finally dropped his hand in order to scratch his head in confusion. Gwaine offered no explanation or further attention, so finally they looked at each other and shrugged.

Merlin turned a glower on the door of his father's office. Arthur hesitated at the threshold. "Maybe I should--"

"No. This is about your family, too," Merlin said and gripped Arthur's elbow to steer him inside. "Hello, Dad. What the hell are you doing?"

His father was hunched over a box, trying to cram in a medical text that was making the sides bulge out. He looked up with a tired smile. "Hello, boys. Give me a moment and I'll be done."

Merlin looked around. The surgery had been divested of nearly all of Balinor's personal effects, not that there had been many of those to start. "You're packing your office. You're giving up."

His father sighed and moved the box to the floor. "I'm not giving up, Merlin. I'm making a choice, and for once, I think it's the right choice. Take a seat, both of you."

Arthur sat down in one of the patient chairs and Balinor sat on the edge of his empty desk, but agitation was bubbling up in Merlin's chest. This was worse than when his father had first told him about the law suit. He could not sit still for any of this.

"Dad, Uther Pendragon is trying to force you out of here because of his own personal vendetta. We won't let him get away with that. Will we, Arthur?"

"No," Arthur said quietly. Merlin looked down at the shining hair on the top of his bowed head and had a pang of regret for putting him through this. "Dr. Emrys, we can handle this as discreetly as you like, but it's very clear that your dismissal could be contested. Whatever my father's motivations, he won't risk his position with the Board."

Merlin's father smiled. "Thank you, Arthur. It means the world to me that Merlin has such a loyal friend. It would mean even more to your mother to see the good man her son has become."

Arthur looked up sharply. "Then you did know her?"

"Yes. We worked at the same hospital. She was a fine doctor, but the greatest wish of her life was to have you, Arthur."

"What happened, Dad?" Merlin could see the sheen in Arthur's eyes, and it made Merlin's throat close up. "Uther has files on the entire surgical team, on your whole lives."

"Because he wanted to ruin our lives, the way we ruined his." His father rubbed his hands over his face. "I'm sure you saw the reports in the file. I'll spare Arthur any further detail, but the surgery seemed like a serious but relatively straightforward procedure. I had assured Uther that Ygraine would be fine."

"But there were complications," Arthur said, voice gravelly.

"Your mother had a reaction to the anesthesia. She never woke up. The anesthesiologist was a friend of mine, Nimueh Blessed. She did everything exactly right, but a reaction like that is uncommon and entirely unpredictable, especially given your mother's youth and health."

"But my father blamed her."

"Primarily, but after he destroyed her career, his grief and anger needed a bigger target. So he started trying to ruin the rest of us, one by one. Dr. Gaius retired, the nurses both moved overseas. I was too young to retire, and my wife had just told me that we were expecting Merlin. I couldn't uproot her to take a job outside of Britain."

"So you joined the army," Merlin said and leaned on Arthur's shoulder.

"It was the only place Uther couldn't touch me, though he tried. When I finally retired from active duty and he offered us the practice here at Camelot, I thought he had finally recovered and was trying to make amends."

"No," Arthur said. "He hired you just so he could have the pleasure of firing you again himself. I've seen him do it before, I just didn't understand what it was."

"He just took the first frivolous accusation that came along," Merlin burst out, so angry at the injustice of it that he could barely form the words. "Hell, he probably manufactured the entire thing."

He felt Arthur flinch, but his father was shaking his head. "Merlin, it wasn't a frivolous accusation. Mr. Carleon's complications came from my mistake. Although I don't doubt that Uther is taking great joy in my situation, he isn't entirely wrong. It's time for me to retire."

Merlin was shaking his head, too, almost compulsively. "No, it's not. You just got back. So what if you made one mistake? Everyone makes mistakes."

"Our mistakes can kill people. It's our responsibility to know when it's just a mistake and when it's a message that you're done." His father stood up and put his hands on Merlin's shoulders. "I'm done, Merlin. I was done when I left the Army, if I'm honest. Someday you'll understand what I mean."

Arthur tried to move away, but Merlin clamped his hand harder on his shoulder. "Then why did you agree to set up the practice with me here?"

"Because I'm a selfish bastard." His father smiled, and oh God, tears were welling up in his eyes and Merlin didn't think he could stand it. "I knew I was taking you away from your real career, but I was so happy that you wanted to work with me. How could I resist the chance to spend this time with you? I still remember the little boy I left. I wanted to know the man you've become. If working for Uther Pendragon was the price, it was worth every minute."

Merlin felt himself crumpling inside. His father's arms wrapped around him and he finally had to let go of Arthur to return the embrace. "What are you going to do now?" He sniffled into his father's jacket, feeling very much the little boy and not a man at all.

"I'm going to go home to your mother and try to be the husband she's been waiting for all these years." His father gave a short laugh of joy. "I've lost track of all the second chances she's given me, your amazing mum, but I'm going to do my best to deserve them."

He nodded into his father's shoulder. Next to him, he heard the sound of Arthur getting up. He felt the touch of Arthur's hand on his back; then the door clicked closed as Arthur left them alone.

"You don't belong here, either, Merlin," his father said gently. "You don't need your old man holding you back anymore. Go do what you really want to be doing--and take Arthur with you. You don't want to let that one go."

"Yes, sir." Merlin felt that part, at least, he could handle.

---

It was late on Christmas Eve, nearly Christmas Day, and Gwaine had run out of ways to make the yuletide gay for his patients. They were all now asleep, and thus marginally less captive than Gwaine himself.

He leaned back in Elena's chair and threw a pencil at the dustbin. He missed, got up to retrieve it, and tried again.

"I did it with more flair," said a voice behind him.

Gwaine spun around in the chair, almost toppling it over. Elena stood smirking by the door, still in her red wool coat, with snowflakes glittering in her hair.

"That you did, sweetheart," Gwaine said with a grin. "Come to keep me company in the darkness of my night's watch, have you?"

"I have." She came into the nurses' station and started to take off her coat.

"Overwhelmed with guilt at making poor, pitiful Gwaine work yet another holiday, were you?"

That earned him a glower. "Don't push your luck or you won't get your Christmas present. Besides, you volunteer every time. I don't know why you whinge on about it so much."

Gwaine shrugged. There was no reason why anyone else should miss time with their family just because Gwaine hadn't spoken to his in years. Whinging about it was just a bit of fun. "Christmas present, you say?"

"Yes." Elena pulled something from her coat pocket and set it down on the desk in front of Gwaine.

It was one of Elena's trendy stainless steel water bottles. He frowned at it for a moment. "You brought me water? No, stop glaring, I love water!"

Hurriedly, he unscrewed the top and took a gulp. When the strong taste of his favorite Irish microbrew hit his tongue, he almost spewed it out in surprise and joy. "Beer! You brought me beer! Elena, you wonder! Does this mean I finally get to drink on the job?"

"Just this once, because it's Christmas and I'm here and there's not that much in the--oof!" She squawked as he swept her off her feet and spun her around and around, sending the telephone crashing to the floor.

Then she squawked again when he kissed her. "What was that?" she demanded, though one of her hands was already in his hair.

"Mistletoe," he lied and kissed her again.

---

Christmas morning was bright and cold on the outskirts of London. Arthur sat in his car outside the stately house where he had grown up. He had turned the car off, but couldn't bring himself to take the key out of the ignition.

His father seemed like two people to him now. Uther was still the stern but loving man who had raised him and whom Arthur had always admired with all his heart.

But now he was also the man so maddened by his wife's death that he had set out to destroy the lives of all the doctors and nurses who had tried so hard to save her. Merlin had grown up without his father for most of his life because of Uther. That knowledge hurt Arthur's heart the most--he was more than a little in love with Merlin now.

He couldn't ignore this. He couldn't go into the house and sit at Christmas table and make small talk with his father while they had turkey with his sister and their aunts and uncles. Arthur would have to decide what to say to Uther, but he already knew that Christmas was not the time to say it.

Decided, he sent a quick text to his sister and turned the ignition. He put the car into gear, and a few minutes later, he was out of London entirely.

He wouldn't stay, he promised himself as he entered the tiny village of Ealdor, decked out in perfect English quaintness, where Merlin had grown up and his parents still lived. It was Christmas, and it was rude enough to intrude at all on their reunited family. It was just that he had been without Merlin for a day and a night now, and he needed just a few moments with him to remember that he wasn't alone.

When he reached the doorstep of their little house, armed with a gift basket that had been intended for his aunt and the bag of chintzy handcrafted reindeer he'd bought at the Christmas market, he almost turned around and left again. He finally steeled himself and knocked. After all, he had the presents and they shouldn't go to waste.

"Arthur!" Merlin's mother, Hunith Emrys, answered the door with a beaming smile. "Oh, thank you, Arthur. What a lovely basket. Merlin! Come see who came for Christmas!"

"Oh, no," Arthur said in a rush. "I'm not here to intrude on your holiday. I just wondered if I could have a word with Merlin."

"It's no intrusion." Balinor Emrys appeared over his wife's shoulder, sliding his hands around her waist and looking more relaxed than Arthur had ever seen him. "Of course you'll stay."

"I made twice as much of everything because Merlin's friend Gwaine didn't have anywhere to spend Christmas." Hunith put her hands over her husband's, giving Arthur another pang of guilt and longing. "We didn't think he'd really come, but see, Balinor, I told you it was worth being prepared. Now we have Arthur."

Arthur felt a sudden, primal sense of his territory needing protection, just in case Gwaine did show up. "That's terribly kind of you, Mrs. Emrys. But I don't know if Merlin--"

"Of course I want you here. God, you're such an uptight git sometimes."

"Merlin! Manners."

"Sorry, Mum." Merlin kissed his mother on the cheek and then turned a radiant smile on Arthur. "Hi."

"Hi," Arthur answered. "Sorry to crash Christmas. It's just that I didn't want to go home, and I bought these reindeer for you, and I missed you last night, and--"

Merlin cut him off with a kiss. Arthur flailed in resistance until he realized that Merlin's parents had already tactfully disappeared back into the house. "I missed you, too. Fuck, how embarrassing is that?"

"Mortifying." Arthur smiled against Merlin's lips, sharing little pecks. "Is there some mistletoe around to blame?"

"Nah, don't need it," Merlin said, and the only possible response to that was to kiss him again.

---

THE END