Happy Merlin Holidays, wolfangeldeath! [3/3]

[merlin-hols.livejournal.com]

Title: feels like a trial; a merlin/arthur story mix
Recipient: wolfangeldeath
Artist:hbics
Rating: PG-13. One song is/impies NC-17.
Pairings: Merlin/Arthur, onesided!Gwaine/Merlin
Medium: fanmix (&drabbles)
Warnings: Spoilers for 4x05/4x06/4x07 to be safe.
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to Shine and BBC. I make no profit from this endeavor.
Artist's Notes: The idea for this mix is was inspired from the preview to 4x07.

I hope you enjoy your gift. I'm sorry I couldn't write any NC-17, but since you asked for it, I threw in a song that implied as much.
Hopefully you'll like the mix and the story :)

download @ mediafire



feels like a trial; a merlin/arthur story

For the Widows in Paradise; For the Fatherless In Ypsilanti
If you had a part of me
Will you take your time
I'll do anything for you
I did everything for you

Merlin couldn't lie about how much he needed Arthur, and it wasn't just the whole destiny-two-sides-of-a-coin angle. Arthur was more to him than just that. He had become so much more; he was a friend. And he was tired, so seriously tired of doing everything for someone who very rarely returned the favour. Sometimes he wondered if how the king would react if he ever discovered the truth about his magic...

God. The toll that always saving the day and getting no acknowledgement or thanks was having on him. Merlin didn't know what to do. He didn't want to be the sort of person who had to ask for thanks or whatever it was that he wanted specifically. Heck, he wasn't even sure what he wanted specifically; he also didn't know how much more of it he could take.




Clever Meals
And I see rules that almost fit
And if I voice my opinion
Will you stay and sit
And as I stand here screaming in despair
I say yes this is my life
And yes you should care
- - - -
This song is my anthem and it makes up my ideals
And who I am has benefited from
All my cleverly planned meals

Merlin was in the middle of serving him supper when the fight started. Without realizing that everything he said drove his friend closer to the breaking point, Arthur began to explain how Gaius' disappearance at exactly the time his loyalty was in question proved the king's suspicions about the man.

Arthur had mentioned that Agravaine had told him about Gaius and how he was the only one (save Agravaine himself, but he hadn't mentioned that) who could have betrayed them to the men who had attacked them the previous week. Arthur was convinced that Gaius was the traitor, even though Merlin was the only one who had been captured because of it.

“Arthur. Don't you see what's happening here? Seriously, use some common sense, it's not that hard!” he exploded at his friend.

“Look, I know he's practically your fam-” Arthur began, but Merlin interrupted him mid-sentence.

“You trust me, right?” Arthur nodded. “Well then, Gaius wouldn't betray this kingdom or you. He wouldn't. He's worked for it almost his entire life. Trust me that Gaius is not the one you should be looking to for acts of treason,” he practically spat at the man in front of him. “He's being set up!”

“Merlin, calm down. I really wish I could be wrong about this, but I'm afraid he's the only one that it could be,” Arthur replied almost pitifully.

The young warlock snapped. “Fine, you don't need Gaius, then you don't need me. I quit. And I'll find him and prove you wrong myself.” With that Merlin stormed out of the room. He gathered his things as quickly as he could and left the castle to do exactly what he threatened.




Little Lion Man
Weep for yourself, my man,
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep Little Lion Man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?

Arthur left the room incredibly confused. He went by Gaius' to check on Merlin, to see if he could talk him out of quitting. When he got there, Merlin was gone. He was just gone. Arthur kicked the door. He hadn't wanted Merlin to leave, not when he was starting to feel like the number of people he could trust was diminishing more quickly than it took Percival to get excited about a weapon.

He needed his servant. He needed his friend. He was upset with Merlin for being so immature.

Arthur stopped himself at that thought. No, he wasn't really mad at Merlin, he was mad at himself. He shouldn't have phrased his opinion in that way to his friend, not when Merlin cared so much about everyone who was close to him, when he always put their welfare above his own. It was his fault, not Merlin's. He was the one who had messed up.

Besides that, the more Arthur thought about it, the more he realized that the guy probably had a point; Gaius had never done anything to warrant this level of distrust.

God, he'd messed up.



Exile Vilify
Exile
It takes your mind again
You've got suckers' luck
Have you given up?

Does it feel like a trial?
Does it trouble your mind the way you trouble mine?

This was probably the stupidest idea Merlin had ever had. Which was saying something. While he'd disappeared for a few days at a time in the past, this time he'd been gone far longer. He was being stubborn. He just couldn't take the royal prat's stupid hypocritical brain and lack of common sense right now; he was furious with Arthur, and... it was just so frustrating. Coming to a stop in the middle of the road, he angrily kicked at a rock lying nearby. He'd given up on trying to help or be useful when no one recognized it.

On the other hand, he missed Arthur; he missed his pompous, prat-like ways, the moments only he got to see when the King wasn't worried about his duties or his role, when he could just be the adorable person he was inside. In those moments Merlin forgot his own role, too. It was liberating, and he missed them. It had made him happier than anyone around him realized. He wanted Arthur back, and more than that, he wanted him... wanted him so much more than he thought was healthy. He was losing hope.

Would Arthur ever think of those moments the way Merlin did? Did he miss them, too? Did Merlin's protest or tantrum, or the fact that he had just given up, have any effect on Arthur...

Did he even care?



All At Once
There are certain people you just keep coming back to
he is right in front of you
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

A search party had been set up to retrieve Gaius and bring him back for questioning. Arthur was searching more for Merlin than for Gaius, but he figured that Merlin was smart enough that if he looked for one of the two, he'd probably find the other. He prayed to God that Merlin hadn't gotten himself into trouble. He needed the guy to be alright.

Merlin was insufferable, but not having him was just as insufferable. Arthur always needed Merlin, whether to keep him centred, or to make him smile, or to give him advice. Merlin was everything he needed, and he'd always keep coming back to that insolent, annoying, child-like human being no matter what Merlin did. Sometimes he just needed a slap in the face to realize it.



The Cave
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

He'd found Gaius, he'd found Merlin. They'd returned to Camelot.

Merlin was still mad at him, because Arthur's “stupidity”, as the servant put it, had resulted in a loss of the trust and respect Gaius had previously experienced in the Kingdom. His attempts to explain that he would trust Merlin on the issue unless proven otherwise went unheard thanks to Merlin's continued anger. He was letting it all out on him and Arthur couldn't get a word in...

Arthur wanted to tell Merlin he was wrong, that he had his back, that he'd trust him next time. He wanted to apologize, to give him a hug, to take the weight off his shoulders...

Without thinking, because nothing else he was saying was having any effect, he grabbed Merlin and pulled him towards him. Arthur kissed him like he was saying everything that Merlin's anger wasn't letting him say.



Shine
Oh, the night makes you a star
And it holds you cold in its arms
You're the one to whom nobody verses I love you
Unless you say it first
So you lie there holding your breath
And it's strange how soon you forget
That you're like stars
They only show up when it's dark
Cause they don't know their worth

And I think you need
To stop following misery's lead
Shine away, shine away, shine away

Isn't it time you got over
How fragile you are

Everything that goes through Arthur's head as he's kissing Merlin.

- - - - -

Merlin's anger got the better of him and he fueled it all into the moment. He pushed Arthur back against the wall, barely letting him breathe. The King responded by doing the same, this time pushing him towards the bed.

As they fell into it, a tangle of clutching limbs and desperate kisses, it occurred to neither of them that all the repressed feelings and desires they'd kept bottled up inside were breaking free...


- - - - -



Master and Servant
It's a lot like life
This play between the sheets
With you on top and me underneath
Forget all about equality
Let's play master and servant

Domination's the name of the game
In bed or in life
They're both just the same
Except in one you're fulfilled
At the end of the day

This is your NC-17 portion of the gift. I apologize because I really can't write much above PG-13 very well, so instead of attempting to write it and failing miserably; I give you this song.

Which in my mind, incorporates more than one of the kinks you listed...
Basically: bottom!merlin, dub-con if you squint with happy ending. Imagine what you will ;)

Well.. the happy ending comes next song.



Hazy
I watched you sleeping quietly in my bed
You don't know this now but there's some things that need to be said
- - - -
Cause without you things go hazy

It was probably the first time Arthur had ever woken up before Merlin. Probably because after everything they'd done last night, the scrawny little thing who was nowhere near as fit as Arthur, was beyond exhausted. Arthur toyed with the idea of subjecting him to the kind of wake-up tactics his servant put him through on a regular basis, but he saw how adorable and peaceful Merlin looked and decided against it. He stared at him, slowly brushing the hair on his forehead.

Arthur smiled. As annoying as Merlin could be to him, he was probably the best person Arthur could hope to be with. He'd always be there to catch him, to help him, to understand him and to save his life... as much as Arthur tried to deny it. Things were better with Merlin, insanity and all.



Nothing But A Song
This song in particular pretty much sums up the whole story; a perfect end to the mix.

Comments

[k-nightfox.livejournal.com]

What a lovely multi-media holiday gift!

[hbics.livejournal.com]

Now that the reveals happened,

I'm super glad you enjoyed it! ♥ ♥ ♥
(I was a bit worried about the fic half of it tbh, it was probably my first attempting at writing something like this :D)

[gwylliondream.livejournal.com]

That was a nice mix! Good job! Happy holidays!

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

I liked how Merlin couldn't take it any more and left to go find Gaius. Good job with this!